Have Yourself a Merry Little Contest

I decided to run my own first paragraph contest. I was the only person to enter and the only judge. I wrote 5 more versions of my first paragraph. I'll spare you the paragraphs, but here are the critiques:

My current first paragraph: Sets the scene. Feels spooky. No hook.
Try #2: Gag.
Try #3: Pretentious.
Try #4: The last sentence might make a good first sentence.
Try #5: Nothing special.
Try #6: Small changes make all the difference.